A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender: 'Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'
Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.'
Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'
Bartender: 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?'
Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'
Friday, May 16, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
Charlton Heston, a great American
I was really saddened by the loss of Charlton Heston. Not only was he a great actor, and a film legend, but he represented all that was good about America. For the Planet Shoehead portion of my blog-world, he was Taylor in "Planet of the Apes", and he was the leading man in "Soylent Green" and "The Omega Man" These were seminal films in developing me into the sci-fi geek I was to become.
So a hearty, thanks Mr. Heston! You were an amazing person...
So a hearty, thanks Mr. Heston! You were an amazing person...
Yes! Now we're talking!
I've been waiting for this my whole life!
Will Martin Landau and Barbara Bain be in charge of it? Oh, wait... he's dead. Damn!
Will Martin Landau and Barbara Bain be in charge of it? Oh, wait... he's dead. Damn!
Monday, February 04, 2008
OK, let me start off with Star Wars
I was a big fan of Star Wars IV: A New Hope (or as I like to call it, Star Wars). I saw it when it came out, and about 50 times after that in the summer of 1977. I was 11 going on 12, and for a kid that age, at that time in history, It was utterly mind-blowing! Darth Vader was scary, the stormtroopers were the coolest, the story was great--it had everything, right up to the dogfight at the end! Plus, it had a great story arc--beginning, middle end. that's it. The whole movie could easily have stood by itself.
But, of course, that wasn't gonna happen. We wanted more! We needed more! And this is where it started going downhill. OK, the next movie, "The Empire Strikes Back" was very cool. And it gave us the big twist that ultimately led to the suck-fest that the franchise was ultimately become- *gasp* Darth Vader is Luke's father! *shudder*
Now, I'll admit, I bought into it at the time. It did seem like a cool story element. But what it did was redirect the theme of the movie. Originally, there was a good vs. evil, religion vs. technology theme. Universal themes. Suddenly, the conflict pointed more inwardly now. Luke vs. Himself. his darker nature. Can his father be redeemed? Uh-oh!
This theme carried over the remainder of the first trilogy without too much trouble. The third movie, "Return of the Jedi" despite the stupid Ewoks, managed to wrap up the storyline of the rebellion against the Empire and Luke's personal demons. (Not to mention his family issues.) It was only twenty years later, when the prequel trilogy movies began production, did the story weaknesses become a destructive force in the Star Wars narrative.
To gin up the audience for the upcoming new releases, the Star Wars producers released newly recut versions of the originals. there was new effects, and some added scenes, that in my opinion didn't add anything (except maybe the "Jabba confronts Han Solo" scene!) Otherwise, the movies seemed somehow less spectacular. Even the effects to me seemed somehow diminishing, rather than enhancing the films.
When "The Phantom Menace" was released, I had trepidations that the franchise had had taken a downward turn. First of all, way too much attention was placed on the "pod race", which I think had less to do with the storyline, then as to sell racing video games. The ubiquitous advertising and product tie-ins were all displaying the pod race, as if that was what the movie was about. I did like Darth Maul (Great look- very scary!), but he was killed off before you even got a sense of what he was about.
But the biggest story element that utterly KILLED the whole thing for me, and rendered the narrative null and void in my eyes, was that Anakin Skywalker built C-3PO!!! Wh-wh-WHAT???
In the original "Star Wars", the two lovable droids were portrayed as mere every-men, who got caught up in a larger-than-life adventure. Now, when you see in the first movie (first three movies, actually) the two droids in the presence of Darth Vader, the question comes up--why doesn't Vader recognize his old creation? Even R2-D2 was hanging out with young Anakin long enough for Vader to say, "Hey--it's R2-D2, hanging out with my old creation, C-3PO! Wassup, guys!" No recognition or acknowlegement. And in the original film, Tattooine was just some out-of-the-way, dickwater planet that happened to be where Luke had been stashed as a boy. Now, you wonder why Darth Vader didn't say to his underlings, "Ah, Tattooine! My old stomping grounds! I know this place well! In fact, my mom's buried here!... I wonder how ol' Owen and Beru are doing? I should drop in and see them! Nah, I'll just get my stormtroopers to kill'em!"
Totally destroys the narrative. This was the beginning of the end of the validity of the storyline to me. "Phantom Menace" crossed the line from, "Yeah it's okay..." to "Man, this sucks!" (And I didn't even mention Jar Jar Binks!)
But, of course, that wasn't gonna happen. We wanted more! We needed more! And this is where it started going downhill. OK, the next movie, "The Empire Strikes Back" was very cool. And it gave us the big twist that ultimately led to the suck-fest that the franchise was ultimately become- *gasp* Darth Vader is Luke's father! *shudder*
Now, I'll admit, I bought into it at the time. It did seem like a cool story element. But what it did was redirect the theme of the movie. Originally, there was a good vs. evil, religion vs. technology theme. Universal themes. Suddenly, the conflict pointed more inwardly now. Luke vs. Himself. his darker nature. Can his father be redeemed? Uh-oh!
This theme carried over the remainder of the first trilogy without too much trouble. The third movie, "Return of the Jedi" despite the stupid Ewoks, managed to wrap up the storyline of the rebellion against the Empire and Luke's personal demons. (Not to mention his family issues.) It was only twenty years later, when the prequel trilogy movies began production, did the story weaknesses become a destructive force in the Star Wars narrative.
To gin up the audience for the upcoming new releases, the Star Wars producers released newly recut versions of the originals. there was new effects, and some added scenes, that in my opinion didn't add anything (except maybe the "Jabba confronts Han Solo" scene!) Otherwise, the movies seemed somehow less spectacular. Even the effects to me seemed somehow diminishing, rather than enhancing the films.
When "The Phantom Menace" was released, I had trepidations that the franchise had had taken a downward turn. First of all, way too much attention was placed on the "pod race", which I think had less to do with the storyline, then as to sell racing video games. The ubiquitous advertising and product tie-ins were all displaying the pod race, as if that was what the movie was about. I did like Darth Maul (Great look- very scary!), but he was killed off before you even got a sense of what he was about.
But the biggest story element that utterly KILLED the whole thing for me, and rendered the narrative null and void in my eyes, was that Anakin Skywalker built C-3PO!!! Wh-wh-WHAT???
In the original "Star Wars", the two lovable droids were portrayed as mere every-men, who got caught up in a larger-than-life adventure. Now, when you see in the first movie (first three movies, actually) the two droids in the presence of Darth Vader, the question comes up--why doesn't Vader recognize his old creation? Even R2-D2 was hanging out with young Anakin long enough for Vader to say, "Hey--it's R2-D2, hanging out with my old creation, C-3PO! Wassup, guys!" No recognition or acknowlegement. And in the original film, Tattooine was just some out-of-the-way, dickwater planet that happened to be where Luke had been stashed as a boy. Now, you wonder why Darth Vader didn't say to his underlings, "Ah, Tattooine! My old stomping grounds! I know this place well! In fact, my mom's buried here!... I wonder how ol' Owen and Beru are doing? I should drop in and see them! Nah, I'll just get my stormtroopers to kill'em!"
Totally destroys the narrative. This was the beginning of the end of the validity of the storyline to me. "Phantom Menace" crossed the line from, "Yeah it's okay..." to "Man, this sucks!" (And I didn't even mention Jar Jar Binks!)
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